Sun. Apr 5: Hell's Revenge -What the bloody 'ell?

10 PM. Sipping on a beer. Pizza in the oven. Warm and comfy. Listening to Straits, Dire; Zeppelin, Led; and Floyd, Pink. (If you know me, this makes sense)! I'm trying to be coherent but feeling very much like the Alaska license plate from Part II. It was an uncommonly good day. Oh yeah!

My packet indicated only 22 Jeeps on the trail today. Yesssssss! But at the end of the day, Hell's Revenge had claimed 2.5 Jeeps - and 1.5 of those were my helpers!

We got a good start and it was most scenic. Given the small number of rigs and that everyone had been on this trail before, I elected to take some alternate routes. It was not on an alternate, but on the main trail, that all the rigs under my care broke. First was the mid-gunner, Mike, who fried some teeth on his front ring or pinion gear on a relatively minor hill. And I wasn't even spotting!!! He later admitted to operator error.

At lunch, a number of people decided to do the optional Hell's Gate obstacle. They all made it up in great shape. We had a couple women drivers on the trail, Melanie and Melissa. They are part-time locals and incredible drivers....they put me to shame ..... but that takes very little.

While these photos don't do it justice, this gives some idea of the difficulty of Hell's Gate - at least a 400' steep climb in the narrow, winding, slickrock.

From there it was next to Tip Over Challenge. Everyone made it, but Omaha Rob put on an exceptional show. His foot was a little too heavy and he went flying the narrow, safe, route and quickly became very much off camber. Not only did we hear that dreaded "SNAP" sound as he charged up the slickrock, we thought he was going to tip over, as advertised. With a little spotting, he was able to maintain the Jeep's balance and drive out of his predicament. On one of the flats he found he had broken a front axle U-joint while providing said show. While I took the rest of the trail out to the exit, he and Clint & Co. worked to get it fixed. After releasing the trail folks at the highway, I went back to "observe". This was a chance for me to run this one-way trail backwards - legally - as it was a rescue mission! This also afforded the opportunity to take Clint & Co. back through some lesser used, narrow, trails.

The trail repair went well until the bitter end when Rob got out from underneath the Jeep and nailed his head on a bolt. "What the bloody 'ell"? Literally! There was much gushing of blood from the relatively small cut. Head wounds do that, you know! This is the same Rob who two years ago broke yet another front U-joint on the Golden Spike. He worked at replacing the U-joint until something happened and the Jeep came down and broke his finger. The finger swelled so much that at the hospital they had to cut his wedding ring off. I'm sure that his wife was also mightily impressed.

But back to Hell's Revenge. While I was leading the crew out, Lenn, the tail gunner developed overheating and power steering problems although he was able to limp out (hence the 2.5)!

A trail fix. With no bandages, Clint is carefully placing the glue of the universe on Rob's head: duct tape! Perhaps Rob might remove this trail fix before appearing in public!

We got out without further incident, even through the narrows (which quickly got everyone's attention, especially mine)!

Clint & Co. retreated to Camp Clint for some much needed refreshments. I stopped by Potato Salad for about 10 minutes and saw nothing worthwhile to scoff at. It was maybe 4 PM when I returned to the RV and then went into Moab to get my T-shirts and a growler of Scorpion Pale Ale at the Brewery to give to Tim for his gallant effort.

Here is where it gets a little blurry, so to speak. Whilst at the Brewery, a couple people out of the west Texas town of El Paso who were on the trail today insisted on buying me a number of beers. Sam and Robert were most generous in showing their appreciation for a good day (for them at least, they didn't break). After a few hours there, I started to get dreaded text messages from Clint wondering, and I quote, "wtf". I fought valiantly to not have another free beer but sadly lost that battle and about 30 minutes later arrived at Camp Clint with the growler of Scorpion Pale Ale for Tim. Too bad for Tim that Clint and I drank most of it, but it was the thought that counts! Mmmmm.....beer good.

Camp Clint is again a sight to behold with many tents, vehicles and other attractions that are standard operating practice for them.

Mon. Apr 6: A Relaxing Day on Metal Masher

It was relaxing .... until evening .... then it was even more relaxing. We got off to a leisurely start (11 AM) with Clint & Co. and first went to Gemini Bridges as they had never been there before.

From there, we backtracked one mile and started the Metal Masher trail. Sadly there is not much to report as none of our group did anything really stupid (well, except for me making wrong turns again)! It really was a relaxing trail and day for all.

The Unimog and its impressive driver. This obstacle doesn't look that tough but it is!

From there, the intrepid trail leader missed yet another turn but eventually made it back to the trail, thanks to Dallas' keen eye and sharp wit. We took a side tour to the high side of Widow Maker hill and eventually had to strap this guy up as he previously almost landed on his lid attempting the climb. Of course, no photos of that! From there we took about a 45 minute drive back to our respective camps. It was then the complexion of the day began to drastically change.

I stopped by the Kaleidoscope Ice Cream store in town. It's owned by La Sal Dave's son and daughter-in-law. They just moved into a new location on the main drag and have a most impressive store. It was fun visiting. Then I returned to the RV and had a beer both before and after a great warm shower in the RV. Next SLC Larry drove by to say "hello", but he couldn't stay as he needed some work done on his Jeep. Then "Dave", says I to myself, "A late afternoon walkabout would be in order after my shower". "Let's do it!", says I to myself. All the while Clint & Co. are at their camp site downing beers, waiting patiently for me to show up at their site. But on the walkabout, I spotted Ray and Louise (see previous articles) at their camp site and I decided to be sociable today - only today. They are very nice folks, as previously mentioned, and are originally from Brooklyn - accent and all. And does Ray have the stories about his experiences as an NYC cop. OMG. Funneeeee! By the time I was done being social, I'd polished off about a bottle of their very tasty red wine. Ooops!

Then Dieter called and the battle cry of the now early evening was "Let's go to the Brewery." Before I was tired and didn't really want to go out, but after that wine I sure got my second wind (third, fourth, etc. as required) as was ready and raring to go! I called Clint and twisted his arm to also bring his crew to the Brewery.

Once there we had one hell of a good time and drank one hell of a lot of beer and laughed until my voice went hoarse. There were about 17 of us with Clint & Co. as well as Dieter and his crew. But all good things must end and Dieter & crew left with some beer on the table. I admonished Clint & Co. that there would be mighty negative comments appearing on this page if they committed a similar sin. Chug-A-Lug!

This was SOOO much fun! Somehow I made it back to Camp Dave in one piece, much to my amazement (and I'm sure as well as to the amazement of others)!

So now I'm back at the RV, 11:30 PM, trying to stay awake and get this stuff done. Does anyone know how hard it is to write when slightly (or more than) inebriated? The keyboard keeps moving, the letters keep getting double typed, the photos suck and I am falling asleep at the keyboard. There were so many excellent comments from the crew tonight that I can't even remember. At least with Alzheimer's, everything I do is a new experience...even going to the bathroom.... "Wow, I didn't know I could do that!" Damnation! Night all!

Tomorrow I lead Moab Rim. Oh joy! And now I just remembered that tonight was the safety meeting and I missed it. Ooops! See what I mean?

Tue. Apr 7: Score: Moab Rim - 5, Intrepid Trail Leader - 0.

A day that was going to be a short one, with a short blog, turned out to be a long one. The day started bright and clear and clean - but cold. High predicted today is 70°. Top down. Doors off. 7 miles later at the Arena, I get my package and - OH MY - 46 people signed up for the trail I'm to lead today. No problem - yet!

We started off well until we hit the "Z". First the obstacle claimed a Canadian's driveshaft. This was unnecessary as he did not follow my admonition to not hammer it. We got him off to the side. Next, while my back was turned helping the Canadian, some guy goes over on his side at the beginning of the obstacle. Damn! That was not supposed to happen!

Surprisingly little damage.

We winched the rolled guy back on all fours, got him going, and he finished the whole trail. That was cool. Then, while my back was turned, someone else broke his driveshaft. What is this with driveshafts today?

By this time I was at the top of the trail but with some of the "issues", I had to hike almost 800' down the Rim to help spot people and get them moving. It was later this evening I discovered I have knees, but my knees do not like me! Ouch!

Once we got to the top of the 1000' 1/2 mile long climb, someone else torpedoed a power steering gear. Folks were sent down to Moab to retrieve parts to fix the errant gearbox.

We stopped for lunch on a marvelous slickrock dome with an incredible view. Once lunched, we descended into a canyon and a few takers, Illinois Matt included, made it up the long, high sand hill.

I forgot to mention that on the way down from the Rim, at the Devil's Crack, Grey Fox was spotting folks through in a safe and sane manner. Then along came Matt and his buddies. I took over spotting and guided Matt down an alternate drop where he got about 4' of air on his right rear as he overlooked the 300' drop down to the Colorado River. This apparently got Matt's attention - as it did his buddies - as none of them wanted me to spot them! It was safe but priceless to see the look on Matt's face. Not sure about his seat cover, though. And again, no photos. Damn!

On the way down off the Rim, one of my helpers, Grey Fox, lost his starter. After searching for a while he asked me to go down, get him a replacement starter and bring it up, which I gladly did thinking all the time "Thank goodness it's not me that has to replace the starter"! Thus today there were five incidents that were claimed by Moab Rim. Maybe it's me??

After the very tiring Rim folly, I stopped by Clint's to tell them I was shot for the day. Back at the RV, I was ready to cash it in when Larry & his kids drove up yelling "Thisssssss is Red Rock Country". That was frickin' great! We talked and I invited him to cook dogs and burgers on the grill here tonight. He's dry camping and he and his kids needed a shower. I gave him "permission" to use the camp's facilities. We grilled supper (no confession was extracted) and had a great visit. Ray and Louise stopped by and that just added to the night's entertainment.

Now here it is, 9:45 PM and I'm ready for bed. This was a long day. It was a hard day. But it was a fulfilling day. Few people can understand the thrill of watching someone do something with their vehicle they never thought ever could. Or watching someone roll a Jeep over and when asked if he wants to continue replies, "Well sure! Why not? The worst that could happen is that I'll roll it"!

Great people with great attitude and so much fun to be around.

Now after a few beers, burgers and hot dawgs at Camp Dave, with Larry & kids, 'tis time to complete this and get some zzzzs. I am SOOO tired! Tomorrow Clint & Co. want to do something but we know not what. We'll decide that tomorrow. For now, good night, and a good tomorrow!

Wed. Apr 8: Dead End Dave.

After some deliberation, it was kind of decided to go Northeast of Moab and explore some of the area called Yellow Cat, so called because of the extensive uranium mining there. Too bad I missed exploring most of the mines! But to continue, I met up with Clint & Co. about 10:30 and we were OTR again. It was a nasty drive to start with as we needed to go 28 miles North on highway 191 with cars and trucks on our butts as well as a horrendous 30-45 mph cross wind.

Once off the highway, it wasn't much better as we were on a graded gravel road heading back South again with these same cross winds. We finally got off the gravel road onto a two-track and did much better. Well.....kind of. The trail leader, who shall remain nameless but not blameless, determined that reverse gear had not been sufficiently exercised on this trip so there were many opportunities to stop, go into reverse, turn around and try another road that would lead nowhere also.

By early afternoon we got the hang of it and we now looked like professional Shriners instead of amateur Shriners.

As we got into Mine Draw Road, somehow the leader missed all the old equipment and mines. It was a good thing we didn't dally though, as we'll later see.

Disappointed that we missed most of the mines and hadn't exercised 4 wheel low yet, there was this wonderful old dugway that went up the side of a butte, maybe 800'. The trail leader immediately seized the opportunity to explore this road which looked like it hadn't been driven on for many years. What a great climb! Awesome! Once at the top, we headed to a nearby butte but the winds were brutal, even though it was sunny and about 70°.

We quickly retreated and on the way down we saw a trail blocked by a rock. "Let's take it!!", 'someone' on the radio proclaimed. Dallas made it around, slightly off camber. Then the intrepid trail leader, who somehow got behind Dallas, tried it. Not liking Dallas' off camber line, the intrepid trail leader tried going to the side, through a wash out, and wound up at about a 50° angle, off camber of course, and jammed into the wash. That became the subject of much entertainment. Dallas got a video of the leader's cluster **** and once available, it'll be online somewhere - probably YouTube! It was fun and through his years of accomplished (and seldom recognized) driving skill, the intrepid trail leader made it out under his own power, shiny side up, but not without much wringing of hands in the peanut gallery.

We then explored more roads, practicing the use of reverse gear, and finally came to yet another scenic area that's part of the Dome Plateau trail. It was on one of the sand climbs, with a rock placed in the middle just for yucks, that Jim found he had no front wheel drive. Actually he had no hub on the right side.....only an axle shaft sticking out where the hub should be. Where's the hub? Inspecting the other side, all the mounting bolts on that one were loose and it was surmised that the bolts on the right side loosened up and the hub just fell off somewhere. We didn't go back to look for it!

To keep even more sand from getting on the axle shaft, into the bearings, seals, etc., a condom made of a sandwich bag and then duct taped on the wheel spindle was quickly applied. Again...no photos...ARG! It was a resourceful trail fix.

This scenic view was right after the condom was applied to Jim's shaft, axle that is!

From there we bounced down the trail to the River Road and motored back the 30+ miles getting into Moab about 5 PM. I barely had timer to shower and get up the hill to the Red Rock 4 Wheeler's helper appreciation dinner while Jim feverishly was cleaning sand out of his shaft, replacing seals, bearings and a hub.

This was a long day on the trail but was really scenic and the Omaha guys made it a lot of fun. In fact, if the plans to go to the Needles fall apart, I might venture back to Hittle and do more exploring of this area after Monday. In either case, I'll be in "dark territory" Tuesday through whenever the infinitely long drive home will begin. Whenever internet becomes available, this page will be updated. Oh my! Look at the time. It's time to go!

Thu. Apr 9: Green River and WSMR.

The internet was down again in the campground last night and also this morning - GRRRR! and now tonight. ARG and ARG again! I'll have to use my cell phone to update this now before we take off North by Northwest to the Green River area and surrounds. Forecast: PCL, light wind and 70°. I'll enjoy it now as Big Saturday they are predicting rain when I lead Behind the Rocks. That has me more than a little concerned with about 50 people to get through safely. Time will tell....but for now, it's time to do more exploring for the 20th straight day! Yeeehaw!

After 35 miles of a combination of highway driving and dusty roads, we got to the beginning of the normally 4WD road and "Oh My!", it's now a 4 lane graded road leading to one of the many gas wells in this area. The road is ruined. We did venture up to one of the wells and there was an employee there who chatted with us for quite some time explaining what they were doing and how. That was worth the drive on a graded road! But not worth grading the road.

Then the fun began as we got off the road leading to the wells and I spotted a nifty little trail. Very nifty. Very little. We started by climbing the first hill which only had ATV tracks. There were no full size vehicle tracks anywhere to be seen. From there we explored a dead end or two and then found a great rubble, narrow, off camber long climb. There were only motorcycle tracks up to the top.

We ascended the hill with only a little difficulty and a little out of the box thinking. What a fun hill climb...and no damage ..... well .... except to Dallas' flares.

The trail got even more narrow although we could spot the faint markings of a road from years ago. After several miles on the faint road, we descended into a warsh [sic] and eventually hooked up with the road that led to the Crystal Geyser. The carbon dioxide geyser never did shoot its load so we then left to tour the Utah Launch Complex of the White Sands Missile Range.

This is where it got interesting. It was VERY narrow with a large boulder in the way. Some pushing and spotting were necessary but we all survived. Tim's blue Cherokee is barely visible to the right at the beginning of the hill.

The grey lines in the background are massive cable trays that come from the control building in the upper left to each of 3 launch sites. We're at one of the sites in this photo with the remnants of the launch "pad" off to the right.

It was getting towards 5 PM so we went back to check on the old Geezer before leaving. Some folks there said it had done its thing a few hours earlier and now it was out for the count. We aired up and drove the 50 miles back to Moab on the I-70 and UT 191 trails. We got back about 7 PM and after getting all my stuff ready for the morrow, it's now 9:30 and three beers later.

YES! This was a fun day. YES! I finally got sunburned. NO! I don't care. YES! I'd do it over again - and will - tomorrow! I got a call and was asked to help on Strike Ravine tomorrow so Clint & Co. will be on their own. It's like this every year. So much to do, so little time. But it's so great!

Oh, I forgot --- duh! This morning while getting ready to go and listening to the day's challenges for the local constabulary (like the 8 year old who was reported lost ... in a motel), one of the constables made the statement, "Man, this is like a gold mine!" referring to the number of tickets he'd given out already that morning. Local humor - love it!

Fri. Apr 10: Wrong Way Dave - Tail Gunner on Strike Ravine.

I'm worn to a frazzle and tired! But it's a good tired, though! While this was not a tough trail, there were a lot of vehicles on it (46) and there was a superfluity of high centering due to a mid-gunner who never got out of his Jeep to spot drivers.

The first obstacle was the Big Ugly. I was helping Brad, the trail leader, and he wanted me to take a group of people around the bypass for those who didn't want to do the obstacle. Now I seldom take bypasses, much less in reverse, so when leading the group of about 10 vehicles from the bypass to the main trail, I took them on a scenic loop instead. Most embarrassing for me but it was fun. There was much kidding about it.

But it was pretty, though!

Somewhere, on the other side of the canyon wall, there are Jeeps climbing up the shelf road.

Scenic views abounded, but so did rocks that seemed to jump up and catch people. There were a lot of delays while folks got pulled off some of the errant rocks.

All in all it was a good day, albeit a cloudy one. We got back to town about 3 and it was then I noticed one of the errant rocks bit me! Yes, amazing but true. My tie rod was bent. OMG! How can this be?

I got out a hydraulic jack and re-bent the tie rod at the campground. Many people offered to help. Their offers were nicely refused. This was not a big deal although some folks seemed to think it was. It took longer to get the tools out than to persuade the tie rod to take the straight and narrow.

Then the damn CB radio died. Too much sand perhaps so I blew it out with the air compressor and, lacking any contact cleaner, used alcohol - to no avail. If I beat the hell of of it, it would start to work for a while so it's probably a cold solder joint. I installed the spare CB for tomorrow and will attempt a fix once home.

A stuffed and mounted trophy Jeep.

After a couple trips to the Arena to get my packets for tomorrow, it was time for a well deserved shower! 8 PM now. There are thousands of people at the Arena tonight for the massive drawing. They probably have well over $100,000 worth of prizes and it's a big draw for folks. I avoid it. Too many people, too warm, too noisy, waaaay too much traffic, and I never win so why bother?

Clint & Co. leave tomorrow. I wandered to the campground next door for a while and said goodbye to the Omaha crew. They are all a great bunch and will be missed. It has been so much fun with them and great entertainment. Thanks guys! And for me, after almost 3 weeks of "company," I'll be in withdrawal!

Big Sat. Apr 11: Lead Behind the Rocks, No violations....and plans are afoot.

Today 1500+ 4WD vehicles left town on 30+ trails all within 20 minutes - in the rain. It didn't look good. But when my group of 22 vehicles got to the trailhead, it had stopped raining. From there the weather got much better. This was a good day, but tiring trying to keep people safe and all 4 wheels on the ground - most of the time.

The first obstacle was conquered with some finesse. However, before and after that, we picked up over 30 empty beer cans from the non-Safari yahoos that were on the trail the day before. Also included was a spark plug wire of all things. I'm assuming that after 30 beers, the non-Safari yahoos were so tanked they didn't know (or care) if they were firing on all cylinders or not - and apparently not.

The next two obstacles, Hi-Dive and Up-Chuck went well. This was a good group of people .... very good. Fun and well built (Jeeps that is).

At lunch, near Picture Frame Arch, a group of non-Safari yahoos were off the road and tearing up the land. I asked them very kindly to not do that and was told "You assholes don't own this trail!", to which I replied calmly, "As a matter of fact - today we do!" (The club pays very big bucks for exclusive trail use on many of the Safari days, but especially Big Saturday). There were some other words exchanged but they were quickly convinced of the error of their ways and ran away with their tails between their legs. I got their license numbers and suspect the police or BLM will be contacting them.

By 2 PM we were at White Knuckle and did our thing coming down as another trail group stopped by to watch our folly. Again, all went very well. By 5 PM I checked in with the Sheriff's office to let them know we were all safely off the trail. But damn, was I tired!

Bob, my tail gunner, wanted to do White Knuckle in reverse. Hey, it's not my Jeep! I mentioned to a few people that he would keep trying until he flipped or broke it. Fortunately he broke - looked like an axle. He was quite entertaining.

Plans are indeed afoot: The planning session at Buck's Grill went well after a few ATBs. Then after that I had a talk with Bob on some plans with him so here is what my restful last week's tentative schedule looks like:

• Sunday - Grocery shop, wash clothes and drive some of the Kokopelli Bike Trail.
• Monday - Take a tour with Bob and attend the debriefing meeting. Proper attire required.
• Tuesday - Drive to the Needles, find a place to hang my hat and explore the rest of the day. Dieter & Rolf will already be there in a more remote location camping .... in tents. Ugh!
• Wednesday - Wait for Stefan & Christa to arrive and guide them over Elephant Hill to the Devil's Kitchen where Dieter and Rolf are staying. We then will hike to the Joint and afterwards I'll guide Stefan & Christa over the Hill again and send them on their way via the highway back to their motel in Moab.
• Thursday - Take a drive with Dieter & Rolf around the west end of the Abajo Mountains - something I've wanted to do for maybe 10 - 15 years!
• Friday - Maybe head for home....maybe not.
• Saturday - Stop at Clint's if I'm there.
• Sunday - Maybe arrive at home....maybe not!

Ergo, Tuesday through Friday (+ or -) I'll be once again incommunicado. No cell phone, no internet, but will have HD TV. I love roughing it. This blog will be kept up to date and will be uploaded once civilization is reached again.

This was a good day but stressful trying to ensure that all the folks on the trail completed it safely, without breakage and had a great time. I love doing this but tonight I'm so glad it's over. Time for bed. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.